ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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