every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Bring me that man meat
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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