we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
