Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
