i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
