The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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