idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize