Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
