i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
