I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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