Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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