I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
