***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize