dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
