Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
