I can text with my tongue
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
