There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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