I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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