I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
