I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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