My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
