Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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