Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
