As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
