yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
