I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
