I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize