when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
