I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
