like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
