My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
