i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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