Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
