In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
