Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
