Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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