Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
