Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
