like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
