Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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