for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
