I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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