Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
