I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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