I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
