We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
