His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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