i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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