I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
home. puking in laundry basket.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
