Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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