I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
