hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
