I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
