So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
