I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
