Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
