When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
