You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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