i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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