So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
