I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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