KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
