We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
