the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
