I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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