I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
