Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
