remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Blow job season was short but glorious.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
