Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
