Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
