I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize