I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
