I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
